


Young and Unsure

by ToriWritesStories



Series: Lift Me, Catch Me [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Backstory, Betrayal, Cheating, Drama, Drugs, F/F, Flashbacks, Lexa's backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 20:50:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8860885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToriWritesStories/pseuds/ToriWritesStories
Summary: Clarke has heard a lot about Lexa's backstory in Lift Me, Catch Me (the base story for this series), but does she know everything? I know we probably don't, so here it is, a brief history of the four years of Lexa's life before meeting Clarke.





	

**Author's Note:**

> [STOP! HAVE YOU READ LIFT ME, CATCH ME? IF NOT, DO NOT CONTINUE READING. READ LIFT ME, CATCH ME, AND THEN COME BACK AND READ THIS!]  
> Soooo funny story...  
> Someone (escott99) requested that I write a background story one shot type thing for Lexa, and I was like OMG that's such a good idea! Because honestly, I've talked about so many things in her past, and I thought it would be so fun to combine everything I've talked about into a coherent storyline, and so that's what this is.  
> And yes, I wrote this 12,000 word one shot in the past twelve hours. Yes, I'm insane, we've established this many times.  
> Forewarning however -- while a lot of what is talked about here is basically what's been mentioned in brief in LMCM, at the end, it aligns with the beginning of Lift Me, Catch Me, but it's in Lexa's head instead of Clarke's. If you want to read that, go ahead, but it sets up a much more defined view of what Lexa was thinking when she met Clarke, so if you'd rather not know exactly how that was (because I believe that it's up for interpretation, and this is kind of just my interpretation?), then you might not want to read the last segment starting with senior year.  
> That said, here we go, the four years before Lexa met Clarke in LMCM!

Miranda’s tongue tangled with Lexa’s in the brunette’s mouth, and Lexa felt the girl’s hand land on her upper thigh. “Mm,” Miranda hummed happily. It was cold outside, so the two of them were still bundled up from the walk home from the nearby coffee shop. Their kiss broke after a few seconds, and the blonde leaned away from Lexa. “I’m going to miss you so much when you move.”

Lexa shrugged. “I told you when we started this that I’m moving.”

“And you’re sure you don’t want to even try long distance?”

“Miranda, we’re about to start high school,” Lexa stated firmly. “Our entire lives are going to change next year, and I’ll be across the country. We’re going to be whole other people.”

Miranda frowned. “I know… there’s just not many people I can be myself around, you know? Plus… I don’t know, you’re like the only _out_ person at school besides me and Tamara, and you’re easily the nicest of the three of us. So it just kind of sucks that you’re leaving… for me especially.”

“You’ll be fine,” Lexa promised. If she was being honest, she didn’t think that she would miss Miranda very much. Yes, they’d been kind of _dating_ recently – at least, to the extent that thirteen year old girls _could_ date. Lexa was lucky that her parents and her sister were totally accepting of her sexuality even with her being so young, or else it would be near impossible to date anyone. “Think of how many people are probably going to come out in high school. You and Tam can raise all the new baby gays.”

“Like you raised us?” Miranda asked with a light laugh. “I still don’t get how you did it last year. You came out, and you didn’t lose all of your respect somehow.”

Lexa smiled playfully. “It’s my charming personality.”

“Oh yeah, that’s it.” Grinning, the blonde shook her head. “Well, I know you have to pack the last of your stuff… do you think we can hang out before you leave on Friday? It sucks that you’re leaving like two days before Christmas.”

“I don’t… I don’t know if we should hang out again. It might just make it harder,” Lexa admitted sadly, and suddenly it hit her that she would never see this girl again. Sure, she had been prepared, and she was more than excited to start anew somewhere, but she didn’t have it bad here, and it would still be hard to adjust to a new place.

“Oh.” Miranda tried to not look hurt. “Okay. Well… you’ll text, though, right? You’re not going to leave us high and dry, right?”

“Of course not,” Lexa promised. “I’ll text you on Friday when I’m headed out.”

“Alright…” The blonde took in a deep breath. “Well… bye, Lexa.”

“Goodbye, Miranda.”

Lexa was slightly surprised by the abrupt, tight hug that her friend gave her, but she gladly returned it, and then Miranda was slipping out of the small house, disappearing from Lexa’s life, most likely forever. Sighing, the brunette turned around and looked around at her near empty home. She had a few more boxes to fill up before Friday – in two days. Her parents had instructed her and Luna to have everything packed other than their mattresses on Thursday night, because Friday morning they would be loading the last few things into the back of their moving truck and starting the road trip to Florida. It was going to be a _long_ drive – 17 hours. They were planning on driving twelve hours, stopping in Atlanta for the night, and then finishing out the drive on Saturday. By Saturday night, they will have unloaded all of their boxes into their new house, and Christmas Day, Sunday, would be spent unpacking.

Inhaling deeply, she started toward her room.

* * *

Green eyes were wide open, looking through the car window with excitement as they drove into Atlanta. It was dark out, and her mom had music playing loudly to keep her awake. Behind them was their moving truck, driven by Lexa’s dad who was accompanied by Luna, and they were nearing the hotel. Lexa had left Chicago very few times in her life, and through most of the road trip, they’d been driving through the plains of Indiana, Kentucky and Tennessee. Finally, there was something to see in Atlanta.

She was used to big cities, to say the least. Seeing so much openness had actually taken her aback, and being in Atlanta now felt slightly more familiar. “Sweetie, can you map the hotel again and tell me where to turn?”

Lexa hastily grabbed her phone and followed her mom’s directions. “Uh, it’s in two streets,” she explained, looking up. “The next light.”

Her mom exhaled in exasperation, and Lexa felt bad that she’d had to drive for nearly twelve hours straight. They’d stopped a few times to use the restroom of course, but Lexa could not imagine focusing on something for that long.

Her phone vibrated suddenly.

**Message: Miranda and Lexa**

**Miranda – You in Atlanta yet????**

**Lexa – We just got here, not at the hotel yet though.**

**Miranda – I miss you already. :( Tamara and I are going to hang out tomorrow and try to act normal, but I know it’s going to be weird without you.**

**Lexa – I’m sorry. :(**

**Miranda – It’s okay. At least you’re excited about moving, that’s what matters. We’ll be fine up here, like you said. :)**

Lexa locked her phone and looked back out the window as her mom took a right at the light. The hotel came into view, and she pointed it out for her mom in case the older woman didn’t see.

When they parked the car and the moving truck in the hotel’s parking lot, Lexa was prepared to run through the night air into the building, and was immediately shocked at how much warmer it was than it had been in a typical December night in Chicago.

The hotel bed was stiff and unwelcoming, especially considering that Lexa had to share it with her older sister, and Lexa found something like sadness enveloping her as she tried to fall asleep that night.

* * *

“Here we are, Polis, Florida!”

Stephanie Woods’ excited voice shook Lexa out of her nap, and she blinked rapidly as she peered out the window. It was bright outside, since it was still fairly early in the afternoon on Saturday that they finally reached their new house. “Where’s our house?”

“It’s near the middle of town, shouldn’t take too long to get there. The whole town is fairly small.”

Lexa found herself watching the buildings pass her by, and she saw quite a few people walking along the streets, talking and hanging out. They were wearing t-shirts and jeans with light jackets, which blew Lexa’s mind. In Chicago, she would be bundled up right now, with gloves and a beanie on for sure.

They pulled into a cute neighborhood, and Lexa finally saw the house that she’d seen in a few photographs. Her parents had flown down to the town to look at houses, so they’d seen it in person, but this would be Lexa’s first time. Her first observation was that it was definitely bigger than their old house. That was understandable, she supposed.

As soon as they were parked, the great task of unloading the moving truck began.

Lexa couldn’t do much to help, since she was considerably smaller and weaker than either of her parents, but she did what she could, and began to unpack the essentials for her family. Luna was much more enthusiastic to get things unpacked, it seemed, because she helped their parents unload everything and then began to blast music as she unpacked. Once Lexa’s boxes and things had been delivered to her room, though, she abandoned her family to begin to unpack her room. She laid out the frame of her bed where she wanted it, and then began to place her disassembled furniture around in its designated places. Since she couldn’t really unpack until those things were rebuilt, she found herself laying on the floor and staring up at her ceiling fan. This was her new place – her new home.

* * *

On Christmas Day, Lexa’s furniture was assembled in full, so she spent the morning making up her bed, filling up her shelves, and setting up her desk. She unpacked all of her clothes into her closet, and slowly the room was beginning to resemble a home. When she got to the last few boxes she had, which were filled mostly with keepsakes, she shoved them over to the side of her room and told herself she would unpack them later.

“Lexa!” It was Luna. The brunette frowned, crossing her arms over her chest and stepping out of her room.

“What?”

“I’m taking the car to check out the town, you wanna come or not?”

She and Luna did not have the best relationship, but they didn’t hate each other, which Lexa was glad for. The idea of exploring the town made her light up, and she nodded. “Let me just get ready real quick.”

“You’ve got five minutes.”

Luna was halfway through her sophomore year, and as one of the older members of her grade, she had just turned sixteen. Since then, she’d been driving at any opportunity, grabbing hold of her freedom with all her might. Unfortunately, in exchange for getting her license so early and costing their parents more money in insurance, she’d been forced to agree to take Lexa places in the car. The younger sister was pretty sure that that was one of the reason that their relationship was somewhat strained. Luna had never been much of the loving, big sister type.

Lexa quickly threw on a sweater, though she figured that she may not even need it, and grabbed a cross body purse that she dumped her wallet and her phone into. Her wallet had only her former school ID and some cash and loose change in it, but she felt like it was good practice to always have it with her. “Alright, I’m ready.”

When they got to the main area of town, where shops lined the road and the school building could be seen pretty close, Luna parked the car in one of the parallel parking spots and looked at her younger sister with disinterest. “Be back here in three hours.”

“Alright,” Lexa agreed, opening the passenger door and climbing out, and then she was off.

There were a surprising amount of people around the area, considering that it was Christmas. It was already past noon, though, so it was possible that families had already finished doing presents and were now choosing to be out and about. Lexa had never spent a full Christmas day at home either, so that would make sense. Granted, in Chicago, all she had to do to get anywhere was walk from her neighborhood to the nearest bus stop and then get anywhere in the city from there. Here, she would have to figure out what places were walking distance and which places would require her sister to drive her.

Her phone vibrated in her bag, but she didn’t check it. It was most likely Miranda – the girl had texted her twice the previous day, but Lexa had only taken the time to inform her that she’d arrived in Polis.

Lexa let herself into a clothing store that was nestled between a restaurant and a hair salon. Despite the close proximity of all these stores, Lexa knew that it was concentrated only in this little town center. Upon examining the racks of clothing around her, she still found herself surprised by all the light clothing. It definitely wasn’t _hot_ out, but it wasn’t _cold_ either, and the clothes for sale reflected this weather.

“My mom didn’t give me money to buy you something that looks like _that_ ,” a loud voice said suddenly. “Plus, it’s my Christmas gift to _you_ , so _I_ get to pick it.”

“That doesn’t make any sense – if you were going to pick it, why didn’t you just go without me?” a second voice asked in exasperation. Lexa looked across the store, her gaze focusing on two girls who were facing each other, each with a stern expression on their face. “Come on, O, let me pick what I want.”

“No,” the other girl insisted. “Let’s go somewhere else, there’s a reason you never buy clothes here.”

“Are you saying I don’t look good in these clothes?”

“They’re just not your style, Raven.”

“I have a style?”

“Of course you do!” The girl who _wasn’t_ Raven grabbed the girl who was Raven, and began to pull her toward the exit. As they approached it, the girl’s hazel eyes met Lexa’s green ones, which widened immediately after being caught staring. “Hi, who are you?”

The question caught Lexa off guard. “Oh, I’m Lexa. I just moved here.”

“When?” Raven asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

“Yesterday.”

The first girl’s mouth formed an O shape. “You moved in near Raven’s house I think, there was a house that just sold there, and it’s like, the only one that’s sold in a while, so must be yours. Welcome to Polis. Where are you from?”

“Chicago,” Lexa replied carefully. “What’s your name?”

“Oh, sorry! I’m Octavia, and this is my best friend Raven. I’m trying to buy her a Christmas present.”

Raven scoffed. “Because _I_ remembered to give _her_ a present and she didn’t even think about it.”

“That’s not true!” Octavia denied. Shaking her head, she looked back at Lexa. “Sorry, we better go so I can get this crazy person a present. What grade are you in?”

“Eighth.”

“Cool, so are we! So I guess we’ll see you at school in a week!” Octavia said with a smile. “It was nice to meet you, Lexa.”

“Yeah, you too,” Lexa agreed, and then the two girls disappeared out of the store.

* * *

The first week living in Florida was hard. Luna kept refusing to take Lexa out anywhere, claiming that there was nothing to do around town until school started. Despite Luna’s previous excitement, it seemed that she was now opposed to living in this new place. Lexa would have agreed, but after meeting Octavia and Raven in the clothing store, she realized that it would be possible for her to make new friends here. Yeah, it might take some effort, but what friendships didn’t? If the past two years had taught her anything, it was that being social required a lot of work, and that was it was entirely worth it.

Once school started, though, everything was different.

Luna was pretty pissed to have to drive Lexa to the middle school before she could drive herself to the high school, and that’s why Lexa was so relieved when she got to school that first day. Her sister drove off angrily, and Lexa slowly walked up the front steps of the school.

She went to the front office, somewhat clueless about where to go, and the receptionist there smiled at her sweetly and printed out her schedule. Thankfully, her parents hadn’t forgotten to enroll her.

The day began kind of weirdly, with people giving her weird looks in her first two classes. Clearly, they weren’t very used to new students showing up. Then, in third period, Lexa finally recognized someone – or two people really. It was Octavia and Raven, both in her English class.

“Lexa!” Octavia exclaimed excitedly. “Hey!”

“Hey,” Lexa breathed out in relief as she went to sit by the two girls.

“Welcome to the middle school from hell,” Raven greeted sarcastically. Lexa chuckled, tilting her head in confusion at the title. “The teachers here suck – the high school is really way better than this place. I can’t wait for this school year to be over.”

“How’s your first week in Polis been?” Octavia asked, shaking her head Raven’s negativity.

“It’s been… eh, I don’t know. I haven’t been able to get out of the house much, because my sister basically refuses to drive me places even though her deal with our parents is that she _has_ to.”

“You have an older sister?” Raven asked curiously.

“Yeah, she’s a sophomore.”

“That’s cool. Octavia has a twin brother.”

“Yeah, his name is Bellamy. I’m way cooler than him.”

Lexa laughed lightly. “Do you two get along? Me and my sister don’t really.”

“Sometimes we do,” Octavia answered. “Right now, we’re alright. By the end of the year, though, it’s going to be a rollercoaster. We get to compete to see who gets the best bedroom in our house.”

Raven rolled her eyes. “Octavia’s family is _loaded_ , they have mansion on the beach.” Lexa raised her eyebrows, and Octavia scowled at her best friend.

“Quit saying it like that.”

“What? It’s the truth.”

“I’m starting to think that you’re only friends with me because I have money,” Octavia said in mock seriousness, before looking back at Lexa. Despite it being obvious that Octavia was joking, Raven’s expression fell just slightly, and Lexa picked up immediately on something… like maybe Raven was friends with Octavia for a _lot_ more reasons than money, a specific reason or two being a bit unconventional for typical female/female friendships.

Lexa didn’t comment on it.

“So,” Octavia was saying, “is Florida better than Illinois?”

“I don’t know,” Lexa replied. “I love Chicago, so it’s going to be tough to beat it.”

“Have you been to the beach yet?”

“Nope.”

“Alright, so you’re going to come home with me after school,” Octavia instructed. “Well, with all of us. We’re all going back to my house, and it’s on the beach. You’ll love it.”

“Okay,” Lexa agreed. “Who is ‘all of us?’”

Raven spoke first, “Me and O, and our friends Anya and Harper.”

The rest of the day passed a lot quicker than the morning had, and Lexa found that she had a class with Anya and Harper. She recognized their names, but they had no idea that she’d met Octavia and Raven, so she didn’t speak to them. She had lunch with the group as well, but she had been too uncomfortable to go sit with them, so she’d sat alone and stuffed earphones into her ears to keep people from judging her.

True to her new friend’s word, Octavia found Lexa right after school and began to tug her out to where parents picked up their kids. “You don’t have to pull me,” Lexa said with a laugh, and the other brunette grinned at her playfully.

“I’m just excited. I can’t believe you’ve been here for a week and haven’t even gone to the beach yet!”

Lexa approached the car behind Octavia, who opened the door to reveal that everyone else was already seated inside. A woman – presumably Octavia’s mother – was in the driver’s seat, and a boy that looked to be their age was sitting in the passenger seat. Then there were three girls seated in the back of the car – Raven, Anya and Harper – leaving the two middle seats for Lexa and Octavia.

“Guys, this is Lexa. Lexa this is my mom, my brother, and that’s Anya and Harper. You’ve already met Raven, obviously.”

“Oh hey, you’re in our math class,” Anya said to Lexa, and the brunette nodded.

“Yeah, I think I remember you in there.”

“Oh yeah,” Harper remembered, “you sat near the back. Didn’t you also have the same lunch as us? You should’ve come and sat with us.”

“Tomorrow,” Lexa suggested, and her new friends nodded insistently.

“It’s nice to meet you, Lexa,” the woman in the front of the car spoke finally, “my name is Aurora Blake. Are your parents okay with you coming over to my house?”

“Oh, yes,” Lexa answered, although she hadn’t told them. She would just text Luna not to pick her up, but as far as Lexa knew, the rules from Chicago were still in place here. And Lexa had routinely taken the bus home from school in Chicago, oftentimes stopping out places by herself. Sure, it was probably not the safest way to live, but it was what she was used to.

“Alrighty, buckle up kids.”

As they started the drive to Octavia’s house, Lexa pulled her phone out of her backpack to text her sister.

**Lexa – I’m going over to a friend’s house, don’t worry about picking me up.**

**Luna – K.**

Rolling her eyes, she checked the rest of her text messages and found that she only had one other one – from Miranda.

**Miranda – Hey, how’s Florida?**

**Lexa – It’s good.**

Miranda replied all too quickly.

**Miranda – So what, now that you’re there you’re too cool to text me back? I texted you like five times over the rest of the break.**

**Lexa – I was getting situated.**

**Miranda – Yeah right, Lexa. I thought we were friends. I get why you didn’t want to keep up whatever it was we were doing, but we were friends before anything else.**

Lexa stared at her phone, biting down on her lower lip, and then felt her heart plummet as she locked it. If she didn’t look at the message, it made it seem less real.

“You okay?” Octavia asked her suddenly, interrupting the conversation that she had previously been having with the girls in the back of the car

“Oh yeah, just… one of my friends from Chicago is mad at me for not texting her back.”

“Well, you’ve been settling in and stuff, right?” Harper asked. “Seems kind of unfair for her to be mad at you. Shouldn’t she be happy if you’re fitting in here?”

Lexa shrugged. “Well… she and I were sort of… dating right when I moved. She _knew_ I was moving, but I think she got really attached anyway.”

“Oh, you’re gay?” Raven asked in surprise, drawing the attention of the two people in the front of the car as well, creating a moment of tense silence.

“Yeah,” Lexa answered. If there was one thing she was above all else, it was unapologetic about who she was.

“That’s cool,” Anya said, tilting her head. “I totally get it. Girls are way hotter than guys sometimes.”

Lexa found a smile tugging its way onto her lips. “You’re not wrong on that.”

“So what, you don’t date guys ever?” The question came from Bellamy – Octavia’s brother – in the passenger seat. Lexa turned her head to look at him and shook her head.

“No, never have and never will.”

“I think it’s good that you know who you are so young,” Aurora spoke out suddenly. “I’m glad we live in a time where you can feel comfortable being yourself at this age. I’ve known quite a few people who had to hide who they were as they were growing up and are only just now able to tell people. Good for you.”

And just like that, Lexa realized that this place, this group of people, they were perfect for her. This was what she needed. Somehow, in her first week of living in Polis, Florida, she had found the one group of people she needed most.

* * *

Lexa grew accustomed to the beach easily, and by the time spring came, and she could stop wearing any sweaters or long pants, she forced Anya – who had gotten closest with her over the past few months – to go shopping with her for a new wardrobe. She needed more shorts and tank tops, loose clothes meant for warm weather, and she definitely needed a bikini upgrade.

Perhaps she connected best with Anya because the other girl was not straight, although how she identified exactly was not known to Lexa, but no matter the reason, Lexa had found her new best friend in this girl. Anya was not afraid to speak her mind, and backed Lexa up anytime she was angry at her sister or anything. They often got into squabbles over dumb things, but they never failed to make up in the end.

One thing that Lexa didn’t do during those months was text Miranda, or any of her friends in Chicago, for that matter. She felt awful about it, but at this point, texting any of them would feel and sound like a petty way to make herself feel better about cutting ties with them.

It just made the most sense to Lexa that she completely cut ties with her friends, rather than drag it out until it fizzled away. Miranda had finally stopped texting her, clearly getting the message that Lexa was no longer talking to her, and when that had become clear, Lexa had felt like a bitch. Her new friends promised her that it wasn’t all that bad – at least she wasn’t leading them on as though there was a chance that they could remain friends.

The fact was, Lexa didn’t want to get this new start just to throw it away by acting like Chicago was still her home. Sure, she hadn’t _needed_ a fresh start, but she didn’t want to give up the one she’d been given anyway. She was building herself a new life here, with new friends, and she didn’t want to have her old ones dragging her down.

Probably the only thing she regretted slightly as she got more and more settled in her new home was how much less time she gave to herself – she was always with her friends. Of course, she loved her new friends and she loved hanging out with them, but many of her favorite books had gotten dusty and her room was too clean due to little time being spent in it. Still, Lexa tried her best to look at the positive side of things.

The end of eighth grade year was exciting, because Octavia’s parents offered to drive them all to Tampa for a day, and Lexa’s parents had agreed after meeting with Aurora and Louis to talk about it. It was probably the first time that Lexa got to do something cooler than her sister, and it did nothing to help their relationship. Frankly, though, Lexa was much more concerned with her friendships than her sister.

As summer began, Lexa spent more and more time at the beach, but not Octavia’s. She discovered that her house was about a half hour walk from the public beach, so she would often set out to walk the full distance while listening to music, and meet up with her friends there.

There was one day she went without making plans with her friends first, and she spent about fifteen minutes walking across the beach just listening to music, wondering if she should just go home. By the time she had decided that she should just leave, a girl was approaching her. “You okay there? You’ve been pacing for like, a while, and I’ve never really seen you around here before…”

Lexa froze, looking at the girl in front of her, who had dark blonde hair and brown eyes. “Oh, no I come here all the time. Usually I’m with a group of people. I just didn’t think to ask any of them if they’d be here when I walked all the way here.”

The girl laughed. “How long is the walk here from your house?”

“Half an hour.”

“Wow, that’s a lot of effort. Props to you. I’m only ten minutes away from here. What’s your name? I don’t think I recognize you.”

“Lexa,” the brunette answered, feeling frantic all of the sudden and wondering if she should offer a hand for the girl to shake. _No, Lexa_ , she told herself, _that’s dumb_.

“Haley. Are you in high school?”

“I’m… going into my freshman year,” Lexa admitted. “So technically, not yet. You?”

“Going into sophomore year,” Haley answered, summing the brunette up with her eyes. “You seem older than that.” Lexa felt the corner of her lips point up in a smile, and Haley smiled back. “Well… I guess if you’re all good and you’re not pacing because you’re trying to decide whether to swim out into the ocean and drown yourself, I’ll let you continue… whatever it was you were actually doing.”

“Oh, okay,” Lexa said in surprise, feeling disappointment swell in her chest as Haley took a step away from her.

“I’ll see you around, Lexa.”

“Bye.” Green eyes watched the older girl head back toward a group of girls and guys that were tossing around a beach ball. Exhaling deeply, Lexa bit down on her lip and turned away from them. For the first time since moving to Florida, she found herself genuinely interested in a girl. She thought that the reason it had taken her so long was due to the idea she’d drilled in her head before moving – don’t get attached. Now that she _could_ get attached, her mind was slowly allowing her heart to skip beats and her stomach to be flooded with butterflies.

Smiling to herself, Lexa decided to start the walk home – she had nothing better to do, anyway. Plus, if she stayed at the beach now, she would probably just stare at Haley, and she wasn’t about to be pegged as weird.

After walking up the beach and starting down the road, she caught view of a group of boys that she recognized from school, and they were talking animatedly about something. Suddenly, one of them noticed her, and they started over to her. “Hey, Lexa, right?” the guy asked. He had slightly long, brown hair, and it took her a minute to remember his name – Finn.

“Yeah,” she answered, “what do you want?”

“You feel like hanging out? We’re about to head to Miller’s house, and he’s got booze there.”

“Really? What, aren’t you like, fourteen?”

“So? You ever had a drink before?” one of the other guys asked, raising his eyebrows. “It’s fun. Plus, what’s more exciting than breaking the rules?”

“I can think of a lot of things that are more exciting than that.”

“Oh come on, aren’t you used to breaking rules? You’re gay, right?” Finn was talking again, raising his eyebrows.

“Yes, but what rule is that breaking exactly?”

Finn looked like he had no answer to the question, so he shook it off and took a step closer to her. “You know, everyone should experience everything at least once, right? You sure you don’t wanna try to be with a guy before you settle with girls forever?”

“Is that what you did before you decided to hit on every girl you ever meet?” Lexa asked tightly. “Hooked up with some guy first to be sure that you wanted to stick to dating girls?”

Finn’s face turned red. “Don’t be like that. Sleeping with me would make you so much cooler, and being cool here is like, all that really matters.”

“Oh, so you want to sleep with me for _my_ benefit?”

“I mean, it would also bring up _my_ rep. Sleeping with a lesbian is a whole different level of cool.”

“You’re disgusting,” Lexa stated, sidestepping the boy and his friends. “Leave me alone.”

“Whatever, you gross dyke,” Finn called after her. Lexa narrowed her eyes, spinning around and shocking the group of boys.

“You ever call me that again and I will punch you in the throat, alright?”

“What? A dyke? Sorry, but that’s what you are, and it’s disgusting.” Lexa took a large step forward, and was happy when Finn stumbled back a step, along with his little posse.

“You’d do better not to mess with me, _Finn_.”

“Whatever you say, bitch.” Finn rolled his eyes. “Come on guys, we don’t need this dyke anyway.” He and his group continued on their trek to the beach, and Lexa unclenched her fists, which she hadn’t even realized had been clenched up.

Shaking her head, she turned back around and resumed her walk home. She wouldn’t let someone like Finn ruin her day.

* * *

Lexa’s bedroom door swung open, and she immediately jumped up, her grip tightening on her phone as she looked nervously to the door. It was Anya, giving her a very confused look. “What’s got you so jumpy?”

“Nothing.”

Anya’s gaze shifted pointedly to Lexa’s phone. “Oh yeah? Who are you texting?”

“Nobody.”

“Wow, is _Lexa_ getting embarrassed about texting a _girl_?” Anya asked, grinning at her friend as Lexa blushed obviously.

“Of course not, that’s ridiculous,” she claimed, crossing her arms over her chest. “I wasn’t texting anybody.”

Her phone vibrated in her hand, and her stomach clenched tightly as she resisted the urge to check it. Anya lifted an eyebrow. “Oh really? So you wouldn’t mind if I borrowed your phone real quick?”

“Use your own.”

“Lexa…”

“Alright, fine, yeah I’m texting a girl,” Lexa answered, waving her hand at her best friend as she uncrossed her arm and looked at her phone. The text from Haley was innocent, as most of them had been, but it still made Lexa smile.

She had run into Haley two more times since that first time at the beach, and it had been now two days since the last time. That was the time that Haley had asked Lexa for her number, and they really hadn’t stopped texting since. Luna kept flashing Lexa strange looks when she was home, eyes glued to her phone at every second, but aside from that, Lexa had done a good job of not letting anyone else.

The fact was, she hadn’t _really_ liked anyone upon first meeting them this much ever, and she didn’t want other people making a big deal over it before there was even something to be made into a big deal. “Who is it?”

“Just this girl named Haley,” Lexa answered, “you don’t know her.”

“Oh please, I know everyone.”

“She’s a grade above us,” Lexa informed her friend, “so no, I don’t think you know her.”

“Oh.” Anya lifted an eyebrow. “You into older girls or something?”

“I don’t know, she’s cute and she’s nice,” Lexa justified with a shrug, texting a quick message back to the blonde.

“Well, good for you then.” Anya smiled at her. “Far be it from me to keep you from being happy. I mean, unless this girl seems sketchy when I meet her, in which case she will have to go.”

Lexa rolled her eyes.

“I do get to meet her, right?”

“We’re not even dating right now,” Lexa stated somewhat coldly. “Look, Anya, what you’re doing right now is the exact reason why I haven’t told you or anyone about her. I don’t want it to be a _thing_ until it’s actually a _thing_.”

Anya looked mildly hurt for a moment, and then she sighed. “Alright, whatever. Your not-a-thing thing isn’t allowed to keep you from hanging out with me, though, so get up, we’re going to see a movie.”

* * *

Just like Raven had told her when Lexa first moved here, Polis’ high school was a significant upgrade from the middle school. The building was much larger, and the teachers were way less uncaring and indifferent. Lexa got used to it extremely quickly, and her new life as a high school student became her norm.

What made it even better, though, was that Lexa could see Haley every day. Haley’s friends were well aware of whatever it was that was going on between her and Lexa, so the brunette spent a lot of time hanging out with sophomores when she wasn’t hanging out with her own friends. She came up with a plethora of excuses, and though Anya probably saw through them, none of her friends questioned her.

Then, during the drama between Raven and Octavia over Finn, Lexa found many more excuses to spend time with Haley. They became officially girlfriends sometime in those couple of weeks, and one night, when the blonde’s parents were out, Lexa lost her virginity to the girl. It was honestly one of the best experiences she’d ever had up to that point, and gladly told her friends about it. Anya was understandably grumpy about not having heard earlier, but her friends were mostly happy for her.

Lexa was sure that she would never be happier in her life than she was in that next year. School was easy, and her free time was spent with her friends, her girlfriend, or both. Their groups had been able to mingle fairly well for the most part, and Lexa slowly fell in love with the blonde who had swept her off her feet.

Summer break after freshman year had been even more blissful than she could have ever imagined it would be – she took multiple trips to Tampa and even got to go to Miami with Octavia. Her friends all got their licenses that summer, so it became much easier to hang out and meet up places. Unfortunately for Lexa, she was one of the youngest of her friends, and wouldn’t turn sixteen until halfway through the year. Lexa’s parents, who had been far better off ever since moving to Florida, were able to buy a second car for Lexa and Luna to share, however. Luna was pissed about having to share it, but Lexa was excited to finally get to learn how to drive.

When sophomore year started, Lexa was sure that things were going to be as great as they’d been previously.

And then her group of friends got invited to their first ever big, high school party – it was at Miller’s house. His brother was a senior at the time, like Luna, and had decided to throw parties at their place as often as possible. Lexa had briefly gotten to know Miller, because it turned out that Octavia and Raven were fairly good friends with him, but the party was totally not anything Lexa had expected. There was a lot of drinking, smoking, and well… partying.

She had a lot of fun – her girlfriend and all of her friends were there. She got plastered for the first time in her life at that party, tried smoking a cigarette only to end up coughing for two minutes afterward, and blacked out for at least an hour. That probably explained why she didn’t notice when her girlfriend disappeared from her side.

She and her friends ended up crashing on Miller’s living room floor, and when she woke up the next morning, Lexa began to stumble around to find the bathroom. She was sure that she was about to puke, and finally she found a toilet to hunch over and empty her stomach into. Washing off her mouth, she swore that she would never drink ever again.

When she walked out of the room, she heard hushed speaking from one of the bedrooms, and the voice sounded a lot like Haley’s. Furrowing her eyebrows, Lexa went to the room and pushed open the door, aware that she should probably at least knock.

Sure enough, her girlfriend was standing half naked, looking flushed as she tried to pull on her clothes. Still laying in bed was another girl, who looked exasperated at Haley’s attempt at a hurried exit.

“Haley…” Lexa breathed out in disbelief.

Haley looked up with wide eyes at her girlfriend. “Shit, Lexa, this isn’t… this wasn’t… I was drunk, I blacked out, I don’t even _remember_ …”

“Excuse me?” the girl in the bed demanded. “You don’t remember? What you said five minutes ago before you went crazy would say otherwise.”

Lexa’s heart was frozen in her chest, and she didn’t know what to say, what to do. Haley looked frantically between the two girls. “Lexa… I _love_ you, and you know that. This was a stupid mistake, I was drunk and I… I love _you_.”

“Save it, Haley,” Lexa said with an annoyed exhale, though tears were beginning to brim in her eyes. Her girlfriend took a step forward, nearly tripping over her clothes, and Lexa shook her head. Turning abruptly, she took off down the hall and downstairs, tears streaming down her cheeks. How had this happened?

“Lexa?” Lexa looked up as she walked into the living room and heard her name. Her friends were all slowly waking up, but Raven’s confused gaze was settled on her face. “What happened?”

“Lexa!” Haley’s voice rang out as the girl rushed downstairs, dressed now. “Lexa, please talk to me. I am _so_ sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to sleep with her, it just happened, and I wouldn’t ever want to hurt you.”

Lexa spun around. “Well you did, Haley! And no matter what you say, it still hurts!”

“I love you, Lexa,” Haley declared once again, “please… give me another chance.”

“Wait, what the fuck?” Now it was Anya talking as she approached the brunette. “Did you cheat on Lexa?”

“It wasn’t… I didn’t mean… I _swear_ it was an accident.”

A fresh round of tears began to pour from Lexa’s eyes, and she brought her hands to her face, wiping the liquid away as best as she could. “It doesn’t matter, Haley, I can’t… I can’t trust you now, and… we can’t be together if I can’t even trust that you’re with _me_ and _only_ me.”

“Lexa, you _can_ trust me,” Haley pleaded. “Please, baby, I _promise_ it’ll never happen again.”

“You heard her, Haley,” Anya spoke, her voice steeled over, “you hurt her. You need to leave.”

Haley’s expression fell, and Lexa couldn’t bring herself to continue looking at the blonde. “So what… we’re over? Forever?”

“We have to be,” Lexa breathed out, afraid to look up.

“Alright… I won’t push anymore, I get it. But Lexa, I really do love you, and I want you to know how sorry I am.”

“I get it, Haley.”

After a few silent moments, the blonde turned around and left the house, allowing Lexa to finally look up again. Just as she did, the _other_ girl sauntered downstairs, looking annoying smug. “Hey guys.” She was a junior – Lexa recognized her now that she got a good look at her. It was a girl who always hung around Haley’s friends, and Lexa had never particularly liked her.

“ _Get out_ you bitch!” Lexa heard herself growl at the girl, who snickered.

“Sure thing, Lexie Loo.”

“Fuck off!” Lexa yelled, barely realizing that Anya had grabbed her wrist and was tugging her further into the living room, where the rest of her friends were up and ready to grab her in hugs. Lexa began to sob uncontrollably, and the world began to pass by her. At some point, someone made her pancakes, and she stopped crying for long enough to eat them. They helped immensely with her hangover, and by the time she finished eating, she was apparently out of tears.

“You’re going to be okay,” Octavia promised her, squeezing her in a tight hug, “I promise. There’s way more to your life than her, okay? We’re here for you, always, and someday you’ll find someone _way_ better than _her_.”

Lexa sighed. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Come on, Lexa, let me take you home,” Anya offered quietly.

* * *

“Okay Lexa, you and I are taking a road trip to Tampa.”

Lexa raised her eyebrows at her sister, who she was pretty sure she hadn’t _really_ spoken to in a couple of weeks. Lexa had been moping a lot lately, though she was definitely getting a little better about it. Luna was looking at her with firm intent, though, so she just asked, “Um, why?”

“Because I’m tired of you being so upset. I know it sucks that Haley cheated on you, and I know that we don’t hang out very much… but I’m pissed at her for hurting you, and I care about you, okay? So you and I are going to go to Tampa and have some _fun_ , and I’m going to buy you something cool, okay?”

“Alright…”

“Wear something nice.”

A couple of hours later found Lexa and Luna walking up to a bar. “Uh, Luna, even if this bar is eighteen and up, I’m definitely not even sixteen yet.”

“Shut up,” Luna shushed her, reaching into her purse and producing a fake ID. It had her birthday dated back six years, making her almost twenty-two years old.

“There is no way that this is going to work.”

“Oh come on, Lexa, you look older than you are. Plus, you’re wearing makeup, and these days, any girl under thirty-five and older than fourteen wearing makeup might as well all be the same age,” Luna insisted. “Do you want to get a drink or not?”

Lexa went along with her sister, trying not to seem too surprised when the bouncer let her in, and the bartender slid her the drink she ordered. She was hesitant to take a drink after the party two weeks ago – when the shit had gone down – but when Luna lifted an eyebrow, Lexa gave in and took a sip.

“Don’t try to tell me that this is your first drink…”

“It’s not,” Lexa mumbled.

“Didn’t think so. This town parties hard.”

“Were you… were you at the party that night, when Haley… you know?”

“Yeah, I stayed for about an hour and a half. I saw you briefly, but you were with Haley when I left, so I don’t know what happened exactly,” Luna admitted. “Look, Lexa… what happened _sucks_ , but all you can do to get over her is to get under someone else.”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, don’t go for a rebound relationship, but find someone you wouldn’t mind having fun with, and have fun with them. And then stop. One day, you’re going to find someone who will make Haley seem like barely a memory, but until then, you can’t just _wallow_ , okay?”

“How do you know that I’ll find that person? What if I’m destined to be lonely forever?”

“Come on, Lexa, you’re a likeable person, and you’re brave and smart and pretty. You’re going to find someone to be with forever, I promise. But you _won’t_ if when you meet them, you’re hung up on this bitch who couldn’t even care enough to stay faithful to you, alright?”

Lexa pursed her lips for a moment before nodding. “Alright…” They were quiet as they finished their drink, and when they were done, Lexa assumed that Luna was going to order another, but her older sister stood up instead.

“Come on, we’re going to a store.”

“What store?”

“It’s just this place I saw last time I was here. I think you’ll like it.” Lexa crossed her arms over her chest, following Luna out of the bar and down the street about two blocks. “There.” Luna was pointing across the street, at what looked like an old record shop.

“I don’t have a record player, Luna.”

“I’m gonna get you one.”

“What’s the point? I don’t have any records.”

“Lexa, that is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said. If you have a record player, you’ll buy records,” Luna insisted. “Come on, you used to be a book nerd, and being a music nerd is basically the same thing.”

“I don’t think so…”

Luna rolled her eyes, grabbing her hand and pulling her across the street and into the store. It smelled old and musty, but Lexa had to admit that it was kind of cozy. Luna took her into the back of the store, and they found a couple of old, expensive looking record players.

“Don’t buy me one of those, Luna, they cost a lot of money.”

“Lexa, let’s be clear, I’m pretty sure that this is like the first gift I’ve gotten you in years, so stop trying to change my mind.” Lexa shut up at that point, and when Luna asked her which was her favorite, she pointed to the one she liked the most, which happened to also be the least expensive one. Her sister bought it for her happily, but in all the fuss, they completely forgot to buy any records for the machine.

They dropped the record player off in the car and then got some food before finally heading back home.

When Lexa lugged the record player up to her room, she set it up on her desk and figured it out how to use it, only to remember that she had nothing to play. Sighing dramatically, she collapsed onto her bed and stared up at her ceiling.

At least she knew that Luna cared.

* * *

Luna didn’t seem to care all that much, though, because after that night, they went back to the same old same old. The end of the year came and went, the holidays with it. Lexa couldn’t bring herself to feel particularly jolly that year, even though her parents tried so hard to keep her mind off of her ex.

The midway point of sophomore year was the year that things would change for the brunette – at least, that’s what she told herself when she walked back into school in January.

She avoided Haley like the plague, and began to spend more time with her friends again, until things felt more like old times. Then, she stopped letting her friends avoid parties for her sake, and let herself have fun. Even when she saw Haley at parties – which was initially quite awkward – she didn’t let herself be distracted. She would just take another shot and move on, and there was one time that she even tried smoking a joint. However, that was one thing that she decided never to do again.

It wasn’t very far into that year, just a month after her sixteenth birthday, that Lexa ended up following Luna’s advice in hopes that it would help her get over the last bit of longing she had her for ex. She spent one night at a party charming a girl she knew to be at least bi-curious, laughing cutely and leaning close to her, probably trying way too hard. Thanks to the alcohol they’d both consumed, though, it worked rather effectively, and Lexa had sex with someone other than Haley for the first time that night.

It became possibly too easy for her to get girls into bed with her, but the relationship pool within the town was rather small, so after a few months of sleeping around with a few bi-curious girls and the one or two other bi or gay girls at school, she found herself out of anyone to _have fun_ with.

Thankfully, at the end of sophomore year, she finally got her license, and the first thing she did with it was basically sneak out of the house on a Saturday and drive herself to Tampa with her fake license. As twenty-two year old Lexa, she walked confidently into a twenty-one and up gay club that she found, and all around her opportunities to have fun.

* * *

Junior year started, and Lexa started trying to refocus her life. She spent a bit more time doing school work and less time trying to sneak away to Tampa to have sex. At this point, there were actually a couple of girls who didn’t mind sleeping with her on a whim more than once. Sure, they all thought that she was in college, but she couldn’t bring herself to care much about that.

Only her friends knew about her sexual experience at the start of junior year, but nobody could miss the change in her demeanor. Although she had always been quick witted and unapologetic for being herself, she was far more forward about it now, and she found that it was actually easier to fit in with people that way. Not that she really cared to have any friends other than her group, who she knew would always love her no matter what.

Junior year, as important as it was when it comes to school, was still definitely Lexa’s party year. All of her friends, though, were on board with partying. She never failed to get food in their bellies the morning afterward, and they always had fun in some way or another. Not to mention, hookups were a plausible thing for them now, since Anya had lost her virginity in sophomore year, and Harper had lost hers the summer before junior year. Both girls had expressed interest in other girls, which Lexa thought was ironic. Of course their whole little friend group would end up being somewhat gay – if she was one of the many people who thought that gay conversion was a thing, she would’ve thought that her arrival in Polis had turned the group of them gay.

That year was, arguably, the best year thus far, though. Lexa got closer and closer with her friends, got to party all the time, actually did well on her SAT and her ACT, and finally allowed herself to be comfortable by herself. She didn’t _need_ anyone else.

That year was also the year that she decided to finally buy a few records for her record player. She started using ‘I’m visiting Luna’ as an excuse to go to Tampa, and despite it being only partially true, she actually started to get along with her sister again. The first time using this excuse, she made her sister go back with her to the record shop and they bought two for her.

Then, by herself, Lexa found a cute, small, hipster store, where she bought a few things to make her room a bit more homey. Once she was back in Polis, she played those two records over and over again as she rearranged and redecorated her room. This was her space, and no matter how much time she spent away from it, she wanted it to feel like _hers_ every time she walked into it.

* * *

“Shots, shots, shots!” Anya yelled excitedly, and after a few drunk giggles, the group of them took back their third round of shots.

“We’re going to be fucked by the end of tonight.”

“This is our last summer as kids, guys,” Octavia insisted. “Next summer, we’ll _all_ be eighteen and getting ready for college and shit. We have to have _fun_.”

Lexa whooped in agreement. “Cheers to that! Another round!”

While they waited for their next round, they talked and laughed as per usual, but Lexa suddenly found her gaze landing on a familiar figure, which was surprising to see in Miami, hours away from their home. It was Finn, his hand on the waist of some random girl who was definitely _not_ Trinity – Finn’s girlfriend. Raising her eyebrows, Lexa contemplated saying something. She was honestly going to just shrug it off, until she saw Finn leaning closer to the girl and then suddenly sticking his tongue down her throat.

“Oh my god,” Lexa breathed out in annoyance, stepping away from her friends and storming across the bar. “Are you serious?”

Finn jumped away from the girl and looked at Lexa in shock. “What the fuck are you doing here, bitch?”

“Not cheating on someone like you’re doing right now. What happened to Trinity? She’s getting ready for college and you’re too immature to support her? So you come to Miami to hook up with someone else?”

“The fuck does it matter do you?” Finn demanded. “I can do what I want, and don’t act like you haven’t slept with a ton of girls.”

The girl Finn had just been making out with looked immediately disinterested in the drama, and she walked away from Finn with a look of disgust on her face. “Fuck off, Finn, go call your girlfriend and tell her how much of an asshole you are, I’m sure she can’t be too surprised by it anyway.”

When Lexa got back to her friends, they were looking at her in utter shock. “Damn, girl!” Raven exclaimed.

“I can’t stand him – why does he think it’s okay to cheat on girls like that?”

“He’s an asshole, haven’t we established this?” Octavia reminded the brunette carefully. “Come on, let’s go somewhere else, I’m sure we can get shots at any place.”

“Better idea!” Anya said with excitement. “A club? I think Lexa needs to bed someone tonight to get out her rage.”

“You’re crazy, I’m not _that_ angry.”

“You saying you _don’t_ wanna have sex with someone tonight?”

Lexa raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t say that.”

“Then come on, bitches!” Octavia exclaimed, grabbing her girlfriend’s hand and leading them all out of the bar.

* * *

“Senior year, guys!” Harper exclaimed excitedly, running up to the group of them on the first day of their last year of high school.

Anya grinned. “Fuck yeah!”

“I think my main goal this year is to finally have sex in the school,” Raven stated bluntly, looking to her girlfriend suggestively.

“Ew, why would you want to do that?” Octavia questioned.

“Come on, you haven’t thought about fucking _anywhere_ in the school?”

Octavia scoffed. “Of course not.”

“Well, babe, I have dreamed about fucking _you_ in a very specific place in the school…”

“Okay, what the fuck, shut up?” Lexa said as Anya laughed at the couple and Harper just shook her head. “We did not need to hear that.”

“Let me see your guys’ schedules.” Harper sounded like she was trying not to laugh, but Anya didn’t stop laughing the whole time Harper compared schedules with the rest of them.

“At least we all have some classes together,” Octavia said, leaning into her girlfriend.

Raven’s eyes widened all of the sudden as she peered around Harper. “Holy shit, who’s that?”

“Who?” The rest of them turned their heads to look at the person Raven was talking about. It was someone they’d never seen before, that was for sure, a blonde girl who looked out of place in the crowd. She was wearing long pants, for one, though her t-shirt was fairly typical.

Lexa knew, though, that what made her stood out was not her hair color, her clothing choices, or the fact that she was either a freshman (which was highly doubtful) or new to town. No, what turned people’s heads was who she was with – Finn. The guy was saying something quietly to her, and she was looking around the school curiously.

“Oh, I know who that is,” Octavia said. “Her name is Clarke, she moved here over the summer. I heard that she and Finn have been hanging out for like a month, apparently they just started dating.”

“Like, actually dating? I thought it was weird that Finn even dated Trinity for the like, month that they were together,” Anya muttered.

Harper raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t think it was possible for Finn to hang out with a girl for a month and _not_ either ditch or fuck her.”

“Must be a special girl,” Raven said with a smirk. “Whatever, it’s not our problem. Maybe Finn’s turned a new leaf.”

Octavia scoffed. “Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it.” Lexa’s gaze lingered on the two people for a moment longer, and then she shook her head.

By the end of the day, the full scoop on the _new girl_ had basically circulated through the whole senior class. They had confirmed that Clarke Griffin was a senior whose uncle worked at the hospital with her mom, and that she had just moved from New York City. It didn’t seem like there was much else to know, however.

After school, Octavia made a point of hunting down Miller and demanding to know whether or not Finn was actually dating the mysterious new girl. Miller didn’t seem to understand why any of them cared, but he confirmed it anyway.

And thus began the mystery of Clarke Griffin – the girl who somehow managed to date Finn without him cheating on her.

It was a never ending anomaly, at least that’s what it felt like. People were always bringing up new thoughts and ideas on the matter, although they finally started to die down when the holidays started rolling through. Lexa and her friends finished their college apps, and Octavia made them all submit their University of Florida application simultaneously. Then the five of them formed a pact to not open their admission decisions until they could all do it at once in the spring. It was an easy agreement to make.

Christmas that year was actually not that bad – Luna came up from Tampa to spend a few days with Lexa and their parents. For the first time in her entire life, Lexa spent the whole day of Christmas at home that year, hanging out with her sister and actually enjoying herself.

When break was nearly over, she and her friends all got a text from Miller announcing his New Year’s Eve party, and Lexa gladly agreed to go. She drove herself over there a bit early, leaving her car at Octavia’s house and waiting there for the rest of her friends to be ready to go.

Then they made their way over to Miller’s together, got a couple of drinks, and let the pulse of the music help them celebrate the end of a year, and the start of the new one. Sometime a little after the party really started, Lexa caught view of Finn walking into the house alone. “His girlfriend isn’t with him,” she commented.

Anya smirked. “I wonder what he did.”

“Maybe she just didn’t feel like coming,” Harper said. “If you ask me, that girl hasn’t seemed all that stable over the past few months.”

“Why would she? She’s dating an asshole.”

Lexa looked away from the guy and continued to enjoy dancing and talking with her friends. They got more drinks when theirs were empty, and then spilled back out into the living room. Just then, she saw Finn again, and didn’t miss when he winked at another girl and then disappeared upstairs. That same girl went upstairs just a few seconds later, and Lexa’s stomach dropped. “Finn just went upstairs with some girl.”

“Who’s surprised?”

Lexa frowned, and then suddenly Octavia stumbled forward, turning around abruptly to face the girl who’d run into her. “Sorry,” the girl apologized hastily, and Lexa realized with a start that it was Clarke.

“Clarke, right? I didn’t see you come in with Finn,” Octavia said with a smile on her face, as though everything was normal. Despite the dread she felt rising for the blonde, she couldn’t help but snicker at Octavia’s blatant avoidance of the issue at hand. Anya nudged her, and Clarke flashed them both a look of confusion.

“Uh, yeah, he got here about an hour ago. Do you know where he is?” Clarke looked a bit uncomfortable, and Lexa couldn’t really blame her. She was here alone, after all, without her boyfriend, who just happened to be upstairs, likely fucking another girl. The thought suddenly awoke the anger that she had toward Finn – both for the way he’d treated girls in the past, the way he’d treated her… just everything.

“I'd try one of the bedrooms upstairs,” Lexa offered in her annoyance, but she immediately received glares from all the rest of the group. “What? I saw him go upstairs.”

“If you wanna wait here, I'll try to find him for you,” Octavia offered, clearly trying to repair the damage that Lexa had just started. “I know this place like the back of my hand.”

 “Ah, no that's okay, I can go. Thanks.” Octavia frowned, but nodded, and Clarke separated from the group of girls. The group all looked at Lexa incredulously.

“What the fuck, you want her to go up there and find her boyfriend cheating on her?”

“Well, _no_ , but what’s better, her seeing for herself, hearing from someone else, or going on thinking that she’s dating someone who’s loyal and trustworthy?” Lexa demanded.

“So you’d really rather her find him cheating on her?”

“I don’t know!” Lexa exclaimed. “She asked where her boyfriend is, and I told her, okay? I’m going to go get a drink.” She pushed away from her friends and headed toward the kitchen. However, just before she reached it, she heard something loud from upstairs and then Clarke was basically flinging herself down the stairs and toward and exit.

Lexa cursed at herself – maybe it would have been a better idea to not just send Clarke up to find Finn being an asshole. Hoping that she could somehow help ease the hurt she’d caused, she pushed through the people in the room and tried to follow Clarke outside. As she finally pulled the door open, Clarke was taking down a shot from the table in the back, and then plopping herself down on the edge of the patio, clearly crying.

Taking in a deep breath, Lexa moved to sit next to the blonde. Clarke took a moment to even realize that she was there, and then she narrowed her eyes angrily. “What do you want?” Clarke snapped.

“I know we don't know each other,” Lexa said slowly, “but I saw you run out of there, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I took three shots of tequila straight, so I'm going to be just fine now.”

Lexa said nothing, feeling extremely guilty now. Was this her fault?

No, of course it wasn’t _her_ fault. Finn was the asshole, and that was no one’s fault but _his_.

“Wait, you knew that Finn was up there with some other girl,” Clarke realized, her voice raising in volume. “You all did! And you didn't tell me!”

“Clarke,” Lexa said firmly, “I'm sorry to tell you, but you've been dating an asshole.”

“He's not – he hasn't... he hasn't been cheating on me this whole time!” Clarke denied, and Lexa really didn’t know whether that was true or not, but she suddenly felt so bad for this girl. Clarke was clearly clueless about Finn’s past, understandably.

“Maybe not,” Lexa agreed with a soft nod, “but he's cheated on girls in the past. He's a womanizer, babe, that's what he does.”

The term of endearment slipped through her lips without her meaning to, and Lexa wondered why that had been the go-to word to come out of her mouth. It wasn’t like _Clarke_ was too hard to say. Maybe the alcohol was getting to her head a bit. Clarke rolled her teary eyes. “Well great. I'm fucked for the rest of the year. Or at least for the next day. All my shit is at his precious fucking mansion.”

Lexa glanced in the direction of Finn's beach house, and she frowned. “Do you want to – “

“Why are you even talking to me?” Clarke demanded, interrupting the brunette. Lexa furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “You don't know me. I don't have any friends here, okay? This place has done nothing but fuck up my life, and I fucking want to leave.”

“Florida?”

“Yes.”

Silence hung in the air for a moment, and Lexa took a deep breath. “You know, it's not that bad once you get used to the heat and stuff. Polis is kind of a small town, though, so I can see how you could be uncomfortable coming from a place like NYC.”

Clarke frowned. “How did you know that's where I'm from?”

“Most people here know pretty well who you are, Clarke,” Lexa stated honestly, not wanting to come across as untrustworthy in anyway. She’d already been the reason that Clarke discovered her boyfriend being unfaithful, and she wasn’t about to cause this girl anymore pain. Plus, something about the blonde made Lexa want to do exactly the opposite. “Like I said, it's a small town. Some people know your uncle from the hospital, and at least everyone in school knows who Finn is. It's hard to not know who you are.”

“What else does everyone know about me?” Clarke asked in quiet voice.

“Not much other than that,” Lexa told her softly. She wasn’t used to being this gentle with people, but she knew better than to try and be anything but comforting right now. She knew what it felt like to be cheated on. “You need a place to stay tonight?”

Clarke turned her gaze to the brunette, stiffened, and narrowed her eyes, wiping away her tears. “No.”

“Oh yeah? You're going to go back to Finn's place tonight?”

Clarke was standing now, and Lexa was following her movements. “I don't fucking know,” Clarke snapped angrily. “Just leave me alone. You don't know me, _nobody_ here does. I don't care what people heard about me or whatever, but the only person here who knows anything about me is Finn, and now that I know he's a fucking douche bag, I... I just...”

“Lexa?” Octavia called suddenly, and both Clarke and Lexa turned to the back door to see Lexa’s friends walking out onto the patio. “What happened?”

Lexa pursed her lips, and Clarke began to storm away. Trying to be quick and brief, Lexa told her friends, “She found Finn with some girl. She's been staying with him over break, but she won't let me take her anywhere to sleep tonight.”

“For fuck's sake,” Raven muttered, going after the blonde and grabbing her wrist. “Clarke? Look, you're coming with us tonight, okay?”

Clarke didn’t argue, or say anything, and they began the trek across the beach toward Octavia’s place. As they walked, Anya sent Lexa pointed look that the brunette was too tired to decipher. For all she knew, it could be a “why the fuck did you do that?” or a “why are you being so nice to this girl?” or anything in between.

When they finally got to Octavia’s house and started toward the back door, Clarke looked up in slight confusion and asked, “Who lives there?”

“I do,” Octavia answered. “Don't worry, no one else is home, so we won't get in trouble or anything.”

They led Clarke inside, and Octavia ushered her upstairs, probably to the guest bedroom. Lexa watched them go upstairs, and then Anya was snapping her fingers in front of her face. “What the fuck?”

“What?” Lexa asked. “I feel like shit for telling her to go upstairs to look for Finn.”

“It’s not your fault,” Harper insisted. “And she’s going to be okay. We’ll take care of her.”

“And who knows, maybe you can offer up your experience of being cheated on in that same house two years ago?” Anya suggested.

“Fuck off, Anya.”

“What? I’m just saying!”

“Leave her alone,” Raven interrupted, “clearly we’re all worked up right now.”

“I’m just… ugh, whatever, I’m going to go take a shower.”

Lexa started upstairs, passing the guest bedroom and trying not to think about the blonde. Once in Octavia’s room, she realized that Anya had followed her. “So what, Lexa? You want to help Clarke because you get her situation, or because you think she’s cute?”

“Excuse me?” Lexa demanded, spinning around.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t. I know what it looks like when you’re looking at a girl who you you’d like to sleep with.”

“That’s so not appropriate for right now, Anya,” Lexa hissed. “Whether or not I think she’s _pretty_ doesn’t change the fact that she needs friends right now, okay? She doesn’t have anyone other than Finn, and she clearly doesn’t have him now.”

“Could you guys shut up?” Octavia demanded as she came up the stairs suddenly. “Clarke’s going to sleep, and you guys are going to wake her up.”

Lexa crossed her arms over her chest, and Anya sighed. “I’m just saying, Lexa, that you need to watch where your thoughts go. That’s a straight girl in there who clearly likes attention.”

“Oh come on, Anya, you saw her. There’s no way she wanted this to happen,” Octavia argued.

“I don’t know what she wanted or didn’t want, but still, she can’t be oblivious that she was dating the most popular guy at school.”

“Whatever, we don’t even know her,” Lexa stated flatly.

Raven appeared upstairs next. “I have an idea,” she said suddenly. “Instead of arguing about _Clarke_ , who is asleep and recovering from what she just had to go through, let’s just finish our New Year’s Eve celebration, okay? Come on, I know Bellamy keeps some great liquor hidden in his room.”

“What’s wrong the liquor in the kitchen?” Octavia asked.

Raven shrugged. “It’s more fun to steal from Bellamy. Come on, guys, let’s relax, alright?” Lexa happily agreed, abandoning her former mission of taking a shower and instead heading back downstairs, where Harper was waiting for them.

As they continued hanging out, Lexa avoided talking to Anya as much as she could. Frankly, she couldn’t help it if she thought Clarke was hot, and it didn’t mean that she had any intention of _trying_ anything. Sleeping with straight girls was something that she actively avoided doing forever, and she wasn’t about to be an idiot and break that now. Especially not with Clarke, who had just been cheated on. She honestly couldn’t believe Anya had even suggested that she would do that.

No, she would gladly invite Clarke to be a part of their friend group, but that was all that could, or would, happen.

Late that night, when Raven and Octavia had already had their New Year’s kiss and everyone was getting ready for bed, Lexa found herself sprawled across the couch downstairs and staring up at the ceiling. She thought about the last four years of her life. Literally four years ago today, she had just moved to Polis, barely even met Octavia and Raven, and had no idea where her life was going. And still, she had no clue.

She thought about it all for a moment, and suddenly remembered something – or some people, really. Miranda, and the rest of her friends that she’d left behind in Chicago. What would they think of her now? She had changed so much since then.

What a journey the last four years of her life had been – it had been such an eventful one that Lexa was sure it was over by now. That where she was now was basically the rest of her life – she’d go to college and be the same way she was now for the rest of her life. It felt impossible that anything else could happen or change.

She would forever remain this way – young and unsure – fighting with her friends, dealing with assholes who she really shouldn’t give a fuck about, and wondering how she had somehow ended up where she was now.

Perhaps it was Clarke who brought up all these thoughts – it felt like Clarke was almost in Lexa’s place now. She was new, faced with all of these new people and things. She’d shown up in senior year, too, probably the worst time she could have, and had already had a boyfriend and been cheated on. She was wrapped up in drama. It was almost like everything that Lexa had experienced in four years, but wrapped up into a meager four months.

If this was her life forever now, Lexa thought, she should at least try to help Clarke recover from her own shit experiences.

(Little did she know that yes, she was young and unsure, but so was Clarke, and so was everyone else – even those who seemed so sure of themselves all the time. And little did she know that she was about to change Clarke’s life, and that Clarke was about to change hers)

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated! I'd like to say also that if Lexa at the end of this brief background seems not like the Lexa of Lift Me, Catch Me, I think we need to remember that Lexa changes a lot in LMCM, even if we don't see it all that much. :)  
> See you guys on Sunday with another LMCM update! x Don't forget to follow me on Twitter @BrittzandTana !! xx


End file.
